A Christian Perspective on College Dating

Pick it Up:

In our society, dating is a huge part of every day life. We often think about whether this guy or girl is right for us. Is this person my future husband or wife?

All of this makes sense. In fact, God did design us as relational beings. That’s why He created marriage. Marriage is such a beautiful representation of Christ’s love for the church. However, we have to be careful to not idolize the thought of dating or marriage. Jesus has to be enough.

People didn’t date during the time period that the Bible was written, which means there isn’t specific dating rules in the Bible. There are definitely lessons that you can learn from the Bible. For example, reasons to have boundaries (Matthew 5:28), how to love people well (Philippians 2:3-4), etc.

As Christians, we are called to be set apart (Deuteronomy 14:2), and we should include this in the way that we date. Which means, we need to talk about dating more in church settings. I sat down with my best friend and her boyfriend to gain more of a perspective on how to healthily date and we talked through a few tips that I’ll share here.

& Preach:

• Date to marry, not for fun
  • Dating for fun leads to heartbreak, so date to marry.
    • Have realistic standards and stick to them. For example, don’t talk to someone who isn’t willing to commit to you.
    • As a daughter or son of the King, you deserve to be treated well.
• Don’t missionary date
  • You can’t glorify the Lord in your relationship while dating someone who doesn’t even know the Lord.
    • You can’t change them because most times they’re changing for you, not for Jesus. So choose someone that you can run after Jesus with, not someone that you have to introduce to Jesus.
• Be equally yoked
  • They love Jesus, check!
    • But do they love Jesus the way that you do? Are you guys running after Him at the same pace? Do you guys have similar goals for the rest of your lives?
      • If not, then they probably aren’t for you.
      • If the answer is yes to these questions, then great!
• Don’t treat them as your partner in life
  • Don’t play marriage before you’re actually married. Get to know your significant other and see if they could be someone you want to marry, but don’t pretend to be married.
  • Until you’re married, they aren’t your partner in life. They’re your best friend. Treat them that way!
• Have smart boundaries
  • This includes physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries.
    • Physical: don’t sleep in the same bed; have a curfew because the later it gets, the less you think straight; have smart boundaries with kissing (maybe you shouldn’t kiss at all. If it causes one of you to lust, then you shouldn’t do it); etc.
    • Emotional: have deep conversations with each other, but not all the time. Some topics are better to process with friends or spiritual mentors. Until they’re your wife or husband, they don’t need to know everything about you.
      • You also shouldn’t spend all of your time with them. Have friends outside of your relationship!
    • Spiritual: if the only time that you’re spending with the Lord is while also with your significant other, that’s not good. You need to have individual time with the Lord. You can read your Bibles together and pray together occasionally, but don’t do it too much. If you do, you can create a deep spiritual connection that should be reserved for marriage.
• Don’t idolize them
  • It’s really easy to fall into the idea that your significant other is perfect… I hate to break it to you but they aren’t. Don’t let them become all that you think about.
    • Jesus deserves the throne in your life, not your significant other.

Remember the question isn’t “how far can we go?” But rather, “what can we do to glorify and obey the Lord more in our relationship?”

Want to hear the rest of our conversation about this? Check out more stories and advice on our podcast episode about dating!

Podcast:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0OTq6vgRGvSQjHQgMR2ARq

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-faith-meets-romance-a-christian-perspective-on/id1778314831?i=1000690922550