Everyone has felt out of place at some point, walking into college orientation alone, sitting by yourself in the dining hall, or scrolling through social media wondering when you’ll finally find your friend group. That search for belonging is completely normal, but it can also feel isolating, even when you’re surrounded by people. The good news? You don’t need to change who you are to find belonging. You just need to discover the spaces and people who see you for exactly who you are.
The Myth of “Instant Belonging”
When you start college, it’s easy to expect that you’ll instantly find your people. Maybe some do, but for most of us, it takes time. The first few weeks are full of introductions, quick conversations, and surface-level connections. Give yourself the grace to take your time.
For me, I didn’t find my people until much later in my college journey. It happened unexpectedly through a group project that turned into lunch together, then study sessions, and eventually real friendship. It reminded me that belonging often grows quietly, not instantly.
Finding Belonging Without Changing Yourself
It’s easy to feel like you have to change parts of yourself to fit in, maybe by hiding what you really care about or agreeing with things you don’t believe. But real belonging doesn’t require you to shrink yourself. The right people won’t ask you to be someone else; they’ll appreciate exactly who you are and encourage you to grow into an even better version of yourself.
4 Ways to Find Your Circle on Campus
- Join clubs that excite you: Look for spaces that match your passions and interests. It’s one of the easiest ways to meet people who share your energy.
- Show up consistently, even when it feels awkward: Friendships form through repetition. Go to that meeting, lunch, or event even on days when you don’t feel like it.
- Start conversations in unexpected places: Ask to sit with someone new in the dining hall or strike up a chat with a classmate. You never know what connection could form from a simple “Hey, can I sit here?”
- Create the community you wish existed: If you can’t find a space that fits you, make one. Chances are, others are looking for the same thing.
- Be patient with the process: Strong friendships take time to grow. Give yourself room to build those connections naturally.
Conclusion
Belonging looks different for everyone, and everyone’s timeline is different. If you haven’t found your people yet, push yourself outside of you comfort zone and try some of the tips mentioned above. Be patient and remember that finding your people isn’t about fitting in, it’s about finding where you can finally breathe easy and be you.
Want More Advice?
Read my other blog posts, 10 College Tips For First Generation Students and How To Budget In College.
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